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The Quirky Tour Guide to Dublin
Just in time for the Year 2000
celebrations a new pedestrian bridge arrived in Dublin. But,
since it's just a few feet from the famous Ha'Penny Bridge, folks
have been wondering just what to do with the Millennium Bridge. Well, you can...
Pooh
Sticks!
 Winnie
the Pooh and Piglet invented this terribly exciting game. To play
you need a stick, a bridge, and a river. Eliza Lodge is
ideally sited for the most exciting game of Pooh Sticks in Dublin..
Right in front of the Lodge flows the Liffey River, and right
in front of the Lodge stands the Millennium Bridge.
Now all
you need is a stick. Since Eliza Lodge is situated in the heart
of Dublin, you won't have to go far to find a tourist shop and
buy a blackthorn walking stick. Use the walking stick on your
short way back to Eliza Lodge and onto the Millennium Bridge.
Toss the stick into the river.
 No,wait! Since Eliza Lodge has such lovely new rooms with fine big
beds, it's easy to bring a companion along. They can buy a walking
stick too! So, now you can both toss your sticks into the Liffey
at the same time. The first stick to emerge from under the bridge
is the winner. Shout "I win!"
(We
wrote these paragraph in all seriousness, of course. And then
were amazed to discover that there is a annual World Championship Pooh-Sticks Race. You've just got to be
astonished by the number of ways people find to amuse themselves.
There might even be a few you can't do at Eliza Lodge.)
Bury
a Friend
Ireland,
you may know, has been the fastest growing economy in the world
since 1996. Termed the Celtic Tiger, good times have come to Dublin.
There's a buzz to the place.
So,
in the spirit of the Tiger's roar we invite aspiring Cubs to seize
opportunity and make a business success of the Millennium Bridge.
For comparison and incentivizing, the Golden Gate Bridge in San
Francisco has become a Golden opportunity for one enterprising
company. The folks at San
Francisco Scattering at Sea will, for proper recompense, scatter
the ashes of your dearly beloved at the base of the bridge's pylons.
(Their motto: "Visit the scattering site and enjoy a vacation
in a great city..." We kid you not!) With such an inspiring
example, surely someone should do something similar at Dublin's
newest bridge.
Hmmm....
no, upon mature reflection, Dublin already offers a similarly
unusual funereal service. Get yourself buried at St. Michan's
Church just a few hundred yards down the river and the magnesium
salts in the crypt's limestone will mummify your body and split
open your coffin in just a few decades. (Visitors can even shake
the dried up hand of one poor soul called the Crusader.)
Nope,
the Bridge needs something really useful, a surefire business.
Like... like how about opening a guesthouse for all those folks coming to share the buzz and shake the crusader's
hand. Yeah! And give it some penthouse rooms with a balcony and
lots of glass windows so folks can see up and down the river.
And maybe put a great restaurant there!
Naw... been done before.
Hmmm... how 'bout a service that
scatters the ashes of your dearly beloved fireplace? A 10 foot
bungie jump - for the rest of us? A crocodile wrestling pit -
two sides of the cage are already in place....
Sell
It!
The
government of Ireland put its telecommunications company on
the market, its bank, and its airline. What's next? Why, the Millennium
Bridge, of course. Just like the HaPenny Bridge which collected
tolls in the early 1800's of a half penny, this promises to be
hugely successful IPO. Just as the HaPenny Bridge became the symbol
of Dublin in the 20th century, the Millennium Bridge Sale can
celebrate the Gimme Years.
Simply follow a few modern, scientific business
principles and we're away. Synergize (build near the HaPenny Bridge). Focus
on the core business (walking on water), Re-engineer the functions (walk above
the water), Downsize (close the HaPenny Bridge), Empower the competitive process
(advertise the glories of the Millennium Bridge), and Streamline the business
processes (have long, long power brunches at Eliza Blues
restaurant).
Steel
the Ardagh Chalice
 Irish metal working has a tremendously
long history. In fact, the National Museum's prehistoric gold
collection (about a 10 minute walk from Eliza's) is the most extensive
in the world. Among Ireland's greatest treasures is the 8th century
Ardagh Chalice, pictured on the left.
Now consider the Millennium Bridge.
The winner of a design contest with 153 entries, the bridge is,
in the words of the designing firm, "simple, lightweight,
transparent and structurally daring." The design features
an "asymmetrical parabolic arch" which accommodates
wheelchairs and pedestrians.
In other words, Ireland is still
a land that prides itself on its metal work. A steel town!
 Well, not exactly. The dominant
theme of the city centre is Georgian. That is, during the reigns
of George's One, Two, and Three in the 1700's, the classically
elegant buildings and street scenes which still dominate Dublin
were put in place. Huge swathes of the town are centuries old.
Dublin castle, Trinity College, the old House of Lords, the current
Parliamentary building - the place is bursting with classic buildings.
Many are open to the public or have been turned into museums.
Since these things aren't behind glass, any number of classic
buildings have been turned into shops, restaurants, and offices.
 Of
course, nowadays the Georgian influences compete with throngs of shoppers and
the bustle of a modern European capital city. Famed designers like John Rocha
exhibit their wares beside the Waterford Crystal and Irish linens for which
Ireland has been famous for centuries.
Besides the standard tourist tat
like leprechauns with blinking red lights, wool and tweeds are
still an outstanding value. Custom jewelry, particularly silver,
is another specialty. Yep, the place is still heavy into metal.
Park It
 Really, the thing Dubliners like most is simply
to sit and watch the passing parade. There are some great city parks like Phoenix
Park with its zoo and large herd of deer. But, everyone's favourite spot is
at the monument to the "Great Liberator" Daniel O'Connell next to
his eponymous bridge.
 Just a three minute walk from Eliza Lodge, the
statue of the leader of the Catholic Emancipation movement of the early 1800's
is truly the heart of the city. O'Connell Street, the nation's main thoroughfare,
stretches onward from the statue. The base of the monument is awash with sitting
spots where you can watch the passing throngs.
 As it happens, the winning design for the Millennium Bridge
didn't include such a monument, a place to watch the faces. As it happens, Eliza
Blues restaurant, with its big windows looking onto the bridge and passing
foot traffic, provides what the winning design does not. A place to park it.
Take
the Bridge to Babylon
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Not really, of course. This just
gives us a chance to throw in a picture of Mick Jagger and get listed in the search engines when folks look for The
Rolling Stones. Ya see, the lads' 1997 tour was called Bridges
to Babylon. Quite a tie-in, huh? |
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If we were really going to push
it, we'd include a picture of Helena Bonham Carter who
played the Bridge of Frankenstein in Kenneth Brannagh's
film. |
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Or we'd mention Simon & Garfunkel's
hit song Bridge Over Un-Troubled Liffey Waters. And no
celebrity search would be complete unless we mention of Julia
Roberts in Pretty Bridge Woman. |
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But, since we're above all that
we won't talk about the time that Madonna had to cross
a bridge to enter New York, or the bridge tournament that took
place in the same hotel where Frank Sinatra was headlining,
or... |
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